[2021] Worrying over a Rocket League Ban and How to Change...

Hi,

I'm usually a really kind person and try my best to make people happy, but today when I was playing Rocket League I dropped from DIAMOND 1 to GOLD 1 - I know, its awful. But I felt I wasn't playing that bad, and encouraged my teammates in the first few games, but the stress and anger of constantly losing got to me and I started blaming my teammates and asking them what they were doing, how they weren't in silver. One person i told to quit the game and they left the match.

I know its an absolutely stupid and dumb action to do, but I'm never like this. I have anger issues which may be correlated to this, but I don't want to use it as an excuse. I only want to change. I never used any slurs whatsoever and rarely swore, but I feel super bad (as I deserve) for calling out my teammates when it most likely wasn't their fault some of the time. I understand I should never have done this and I am disappointed in myself to do such things.

I have anxiety (no, I'm not one of the people pretending or self-diagnosing randomly) and its really got to me tonight. I'm genuinely terrified at my account being banned, and I feel so guilty for the people I trash talked on my team. I hate it so much. I just came here to ask if anyone knows any ways to best not vent my anger through the game, and if they think I will get banned. Today was a one-off and I have never trash-talked before in games much, only the playful. Again, today wasn't exactly aggressive but it wasn't playful and I am ashamed of myself for this.

Thank you for reading, and I hope the community aren't mad at me - I want to change.