Well, after 94 levels and 200+ hours, today I discovered that there is in fact a tutorial. After playing it through, here are my thoughts:
Overall, I like it. It establishes most of the basic controls, demonstrates the basic mission pattern, and kindles your contempt for management. It's well paced, and although I went into it with an overclocked thunderhead I think it would be a perfect difficulty for a greenbeard with the base minigun.
However, there are a few things that I'm surprised it didn't include.
Firstly, nowhere did I mine, see, or even hear the word "nitra." Calling supply drops with nitra is a core component of the game, and it confuses people a lot. Some people think it's automatic, and others (including Markiplier) believe that it's a class ability. It would be great to include a supply drop in the tutorial.
Secondly, the tutorial makes no mention of the laser pointer. It's not particularily useful alone & without Bosco, so there isn't a reason to use it in the tutorial, but it's vital for a good multiplayer experience. It's also something that a lot of greenbeards don't ever use, and now I know why. Implementing it could be as simple as having management ask you to point out some minerals.
I know that these features are both written about in the "basics" tab in the miner's manual, but so is everything else in the tutorial. It's helpful to put the reading into practice.
Finally, it would be good to feature the tutorial a little more prominently, maybe have it available as an assignment mission. As it stands, you have to click escape, then miner's manual, then basics, then the inconspicuous button in the top right. (Apparently the game forces you to do the tutorial when you first log in. It's been a while since that point.)
Tutorial optimization isn't the biggest deal in the world, especially with the effort the devs are pouring into the main game. My friends and I managed just fine figuring it out on our own. This would mostly help greenbeards integrate into their first few co-op games, removing early game frustration and giving them a more solid knowledge base to start their gameplay with.
Edit: Also, could we have a little warning that when we press the drop pod button we have to start playing subway surfer with glyphids?
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