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Another week has passed without someone accidentally finding where our cosmic progenitors hid the big red reset button. Time to take a look at the news!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU06102023.png"]369659[/ATTACH]
THE FUTURE OF THE THRONE - 2 October 3309
The Empire is in a bit of a quandary it seems, as Emperor Arissa Duval has been spending her time governing a vast collection of worlds and policies and not...well...unleashing fresh spawn into the world infused with her bloodline. Without an heir to take over should the Emperor forget how breathing works, there are concerns that the Empire could enter a state of turmoil. Senator Lysandra Courcelle bravely put forward the suggestion that the Emperor hurry up and get knocked up so they can carry on shoving caviar into their eyes because they're too posh to eat correctly. Other voices pointed out that other members of the Imperial bloodline already have offspring, not so subtly hinting that maybe someone else could have a play on the throne for a bit. Personally I think the Emperor should look into making badly formed clone of themselves voiced by Andy Serkis so they can survive somehow.
AEGIS PRODUCES SUB-SURFACE EXTRACTION MISSILES - 5 October 3309
The quest to save people with the magical power of explosions gets ever closer! After a successful crowd funding campaign to start mass producing weapons of mass extraction, Aegis has begun to put manufacturing into motion. Pilots who equip these missiles (And have put on their anti-face melting cream) can now head into the Maelstroms, scan the Titans for signs of people pretending to be insects inside, and then stab the titans with missiles for people to come and climb into. Rescue ships are on hand to help ferry people home and to create certified excuses when one of the missiles fires a bit too close and reduces the occupants to paste.
CELEBRATIONS IN SOL FOR FEDERAL ELECTION - 5 October 3309
In an effort to suggest he was actually a really lovely man all along, Zachary 'There are no photos of me smiling' Hudson has announced a wave of festivities and celebrations in the lead up to the elections. Pilots can help make these celebrations extra special by sending supplies of Crystalline Spheres, Gerasian Gueuze Beer, Indi Bourbon, LTT Hyper Sweet and Pantaa Prayer Sticks to be delivered to Li Qing Jao starport in orbit over planet Earth. It's a fun coincidence that these parties are about to kick off right after ex-pirate lord Zachary Rackham had to exclude themselves from the race.
SCIENTISTS STUDY THARGOID BARNACLE MATRIX SITES - 6 October 3309
Having discovered new Thargoid site formations, sweetly referred to as 'Barnacle Matrix Sites', scientists have begun doing what they have done since time immemorial. They've started prodding them. Yes, no amount of danger or screaming death machine can put a determined boffin off of sticking their fingers in a dangerous orifice to see if they would expire or not. One scientist suggested the site makes them nervous, which is a baffling claim to make about an unknown bioorganic construction of unknown origins made by a hostile species that wants to use your insides as Halloween decorations. Seismic activity indicates a lot of unknown but suitable freaky stuff may be going on within these structures and time will tell what they are truly for and whether Jeff sticking his face in one is going to have consequences or not.
That's it for this week. Join us next time, if we can manage to hold off starting Armageddon for a little while longer!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU06102023.png"]369659[/ATTACH]
THE FUTURE OF THE THRONE - 2 October 3309
The Empire is in a bit of a quandary it seems, as Emperor Arissa Duval has been spending her time governing a vast collection of worlds and policies and not...well...unleashing fresh spawn into the world infused with her bloodline. Without an heir to take over should the Emperor forget how breathing works, there are concerns that the Empire could enter a state of turmoil. Senator Lysandra Courcelle bravely put forward the suggestion that the Emperor hurry up and get knocked up so they can carry on shoving caviar into their eyes because they're too posh to eat correctly. Other voices pointed out that other members of the Imperial bloodline already have offspring, not so subtly hinting that maybe someone else could have a play on the throne for a bit. Personally I think the Emperor should look into making badly formed clone of themselves voiced by Andy Serkis so they can survive somehow.
AEGIS PRODUCES SUB-SURFACE EXTRACTION MISSILES - 5 October 3309
The quest to save people with the magical power of explosions gets ever closer! After a successful crowd funding campaign to start mass producing weapons of mass extraction, Aegis has begun to put manufacturing into motion. Pilots who equip these missiles (And have put on their anti-face melting cream) can now head into the Maelstroms, scan the Titans for signs of people pretending to be insects inside, and then stab the titans with missiles for people to come and climb into. Rescue ships are on hand to help ferry people home and to create certified excuses when one of the missiles fires a bit too close and reduces the occupants to paste.
CELEBRATIONS IN SOL FOR FEDERAL ELECTION - 5 October 3309
In an effort to suggest he was actually a really lovely man all along, Zachary 'There are no photos of me smiling' Hudson has announced a wave of festivities and celebrations in the lead up to the elections. Pilots can help make these celebrations extra special by sending supplies of Crystalline Spheres, Gerasian Gueuze Beer, Indi Bourbon, LTT Hyper Sweet and Pantaa Prayer Sticks to be delivered to Li Qing Jao starport in orbit over planet Earth. It's a fun coincidence that these parties are about to kick off right after ex-pirate lord Zachary Rackham had to exclude themselves from the race.
SCIENTISTS STUDY THARGOID BARNACLE MATRIX SITES - 6 October 3309
Having discovered new Thargoid site formations, sweetly referred to as 'Barnacle Matrix Sites', scientists have begun doing what they have done since time immemorial. They've started prodding them. Yes, no amount of danger or screaming death machine can put a determined boffin off of sticking their fingers in a dangerous orifice to see if they would expire or not. One scientist suggested the site makes them nervous, which is a baffling claim to make about an unknown bioorganic construction of unknown origins made by a hostile species that wants to use your insides as Halloween decorations. Seismic activity indicates a lot of unknown but suitable freaky stuff may be going on within these structures and time will tell what they are truly for and whether Jeff sticking his face in one is going to have consequences or not.
That's it for this week. Join us next time, if we can manage to hold off starting Armageddon for a little while longer!