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Greetings sentient beings trapped in a simulation as your genetic body is stripped for parts by secret corporate overlords! As you question whether that stomach ache is due to hunger or your true body being used to generate an extra 22p for the maliciously rich, lets take a moment to give in and forget all about that. It's GalNet round up time!
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FIRST CAPTIVES FREED FROM THARGOID TITANS - 10 October 3309
Rejoice humanity! Via the careful application of explosives to the face, the first few captives have been rescued from the Thargoid Titans. The captives had been held in strange amniotic vats, kept alive by tubes and machines that go beep (Your true body knows how that feels am I right, lol). In a wonderful example of narrative convenience, most remember very little of what went on and appear to be in good health. Obviously they are being kept in a strict quarantine because we have all seen sci fi movies and no one is so stupid that they are going to let their guard down...Hopefully. It's still not entirely clear why the Thargoids had been taking captives and putting so much effort into keeping them alive. Still, I'm sure it's fine and there will be no long term consequences that humanity will come to regret.
SOL CELEBRATIONS END AS ELECTION BEGINS - 12 October 3309
The Sol festivities have come to an abrupt end as Federation citizens remember they now have to pick a new self serving overlord to determine their fates. Candidates for this years overlord are Jerome "Zachary Hudson signed my chest" Archer for the Republican party and Felicia "My hair is better than yours" Winter of the Liberal party. The Thargoid war had given the Republican Party a bit of an edge however the inevitable long term plans of replacing everyone's eyes with cameras so they could spy on their mates was a tad divisive. Meanwhile Zachary Rackham can be found in a corner, swigging his Chateau De Aegaeon and wondering how being a criminal could possibly have backfired.
FEDERAL ELECTION: THE IMPERIAL PERSPECTIVE - 12 October 3309
Do you know what we really need to hear now? The opinions of people who are not involved in the elections! A number of Imperial figures were asked their views on who should be the new Federal President. Senator Denton Patreus suggested they would prefer Jerome Archer as it's always better to have someone predictable in opposition as opposed to Felicia Winters who might be harder to pin down. Princess Aisling Duval put her support behind Felicia Winters, preferring her more toned down approach to governance, as well as pointing out that whoever wins maybe now that the galaxy is on fire we could work together a bit more. Cassia Carvalho, political journalist for The Imperial Herald basically said "Who cares, that's a THEM problem" which is an incredibly relatable stance to international politics.
FEDERAL ELECTION: THE ALLIED PERSPECTIVE - 13 October 3309
Having watched the Imperials give their feedback on the Federal elections, the Alliance just had to jump in and remind people it's still there too. When asked his opinions Prime Minister Edmund Mahon said that "Everyone was great, love them all, please please please don't start thinking of us as a threat in any way. Pretty please". Councilor Nakato Kaine was a little less diplomatic in their interview, highlighting the numerous fires the Federation has had to put out lately, as well as its rather obvious slide towards military authoritarianism. Vanya Driscoll, political correspondent for The Alliance Tribune, commented on how everyone was being so diplomatic and not picking a side...whilst also casually not picking one themselves...
Sitting on the fence must be really uncomfortable.
FELICIA WINTERS ELECTED AS FEDERAL PRESIDENT - 16 October 3309
In a very tight and close fought race, Felicia Winters and the Liberal party have emerged victorious in the Federal elections. Happily skipping over the part where it was only a 4% lead, Felicia Winters has done what every politician does and claimed that everyone is overwhelmingly on their side. For the time being Zachary Hudson will remain at the helm until the transfer of power is complete, no doubt looking forward to the large number of talk shows and panel events he's going to make a mint off. Jerome Archer was gracious in conceding defeat, a rare trait largely unseen in todays politics, and the Alliance has been happy to offer their congratulations. The Empire has officially remained silent on the matter, an encouraging sign when we're trying to survive space baguettes of the apocalypse, but at least Aisling Duval was there to show there is a tiny glimmer of cooperation lurking in the dark shadows of the Empire.
WINTERS OUTLINES HER FUTURE PRESIDENCY - 19 October 3309
Now that the reins of power have been sufficiently grasped, Felicia Winters announced her new approach to Federal governance. First and foremost will be a move a way from a heavy focus on military might and corporate policy and a move towards plans that may actually benefit the people, such as healthcare, housing and new jobs. This of course has annoyed the pro-Republic press who had been benefitting from such a system for years. The latest editorial in the Sol Today newsfeed suggested that Felicia Winters will go down as the weakest president in history, followed up by an accidental link to a photo of the author on a bed of money using poor people as floatation device.
That's all for this week, remember to Ẇ̷̡̧̘̬̙͈̬͔̹͚̦̍̉̔́͒A̴̧̧͓͔̳̤͙͈̟̯̞͖͒́͌̒̐͋͆̈̀͛͘̚K̸̳̩̮̠̱̪̃̽E̴̡̢͍̣͈̥͉͗͜ ̸̳̞̗̠͈̗͇͚̱́̂͊̓́̿̈͐̍̀͒̎͘͘Ų̴͎͍̤̘̦̘̠̺͕̭̂̎̾̌͜P̴̼̺̣̤̤̈́̇͊̔͗̑͑̉̏̔ and join us next time as Ḑ̴̮̤̠̖͍͖̻̬̥͓̻͚̣̉͊̀̀̈́́̉̃̉͂͝͠͠Ǫ̵̢̖̲̠͚̝̦̙̼̋̉̈́̀̉̑͒̏͝N̸̨̡̙̯̫̞͔͚͙̳̲̐͆̏̓̀͂͊͝T̴̬̀̓͐̓̄̾́̈́͘ ̶̡̠̭̟̬̇͐̽̃̾̔͗̎͗Ĺ̷̪̱̩̥̗͚̖͑͒͗̋̆́̐͝E̷̡̢̨̧̗̗̝͓̬̣̹̓̈́̈̋̄͗͘T̸̟̬͍͇̅̈͒͆͊̓̇͒̋͘͘ ̶̡̢̮͚̼͙̪͙̰̠̺͎̂ͅT̶̗͇̳̣̗͗͋͋̈̆͊̋̓̄͒H̵̨̛̪̣̺̤̘̣̰͊̐̃͝Ȩ̶͕̝̟̦̦̖̘̲̜͇̬̰̑̈́̒̾̃̀͋̽͝ ̷̧̢̲̣̹͎̲̜̪̗̓C̵̨͉̹̖̪͍̯̙͓̤̘̺͐͝Ǒ̶̧̧̫̺͍͔͔͐́͂̄͋̀̀̒̚͘̕Ǹ̵̼̳̫̒̑̑̔̀̏̍̿̓̕T̸͉̬̠̪̣̤̥̣̽̅̊̍͊̈̿̀̌͂̆͜Ŗ̶̛̱͓̜̣̼͎̳̠͉̖͍͇͍̈͗̀́̈́̊͘͝͝Ö̵̧́̑̔̑̋̉́̽͛̓̾͘͝͝͝L̸͉̫͔̪͎̾̍̏͑ ̵̳͚̣̝͖̣̫̜̜͚̲̇̓́̉̓̈́͌̓̇̄ͅY̷͈̰̙̞̰̭̪̣̤͑͌́̃̾̄͐̾̎Ọ̵͐̆̀͊̅̕ͅŲ̶͈̲͓̭̇̓̄́͑͗̆͊͑̐͜ and go over more of the GalNet news!
[ATTACH type="full"]371070[/ATTACH]
FIRST CAPTIVES FREED FROM THARGOID TITANS - 10 October 3309
Rejoice humanity! Via the careful application of explosives to the face, the first few captives have been rescued from the Thargoid Titans. The captives had been held in strange amniotic vats, kept alive by tubes and machines that go beep (Your true body knows how that feels am I right, lol). In a wonderful example of narrative convenience, most remember very little of what went on and appear to be in good health. Obviously they are being kept in a strict quarantine because we have all seen sci fi movies and no one is so stupid that they are going to let their guard down...Hopefully. It's still not entirely clear why the Thargoids had been taking captives and putting so much effort into keeping them alive. Still, I'm sure it's fine and there will be no long term consequences that humanity will come to regret.
SOL CELEBRATIONS END AS ELECTION BEGINS - 12 October 3309
The Sol festivities have come to an abrupt end as Federation citizens remember they now have to pick a new self serving overlord to determine their fates. Candidates for this years overlord are Jerome "Zachary Hudson signed my chest" Archer for the Republican party and Felicia "My hair is better than yours" Winter of the Liberal party. The Thargoid war had given the Republican Party a bit of an edge however the inevitable long term plans of replacing everyone's eyes with cameras so they could spy on their mates was a tad divisive. Meanwhile Zachary Rackham can be found in a corner, swigging his Chateau De Aegaeon and wondering how being a criminal could possibly have backfired.
FEDERAL ELECTION: THE IMPERIAL PERSPECTIVE - 12 October 3309
Do you know what we really need to hear now? The opinions of people who are not involved in the elections! A number of Imperial figures were asked their views on who should be the new Federal President. Senator Denton Patreus suggested they would prefer Jerome Archer as it's always better to have someone predictable in opposition as opposed to Felicia Winters who might be harder to pin down. Princess Aisling Duval put her support behind Felicia Winters, preferring her more toned down approach to governance, as well as pointing out that whoever wins maybe now that the galaxy is on fire we could work together a bit more. Cassia Carvalho, political journalist for The Imperial Herald basically said "Who cares, that's a THEM problem" which is an incredibly relatable stance to international politics.
FEDERAL ELECTION: THE ALLIED PERSPECTIVE - 13 October 3309
Having watched the Imperials give their feedback on the Federal elections, the Alliance just had to jump in and remind people it's still there too. When asked his opinions Prime Minister Edmund Mahon said that "Everyone was great, love them all, please please please don't start thinking of us as a threat in any way. Pretty please". Councilor Nakato Kaine was a little less diplomatic in their interview, highlighting the numerous fires the Federation has had to put out lately, as well as its rather obvious slide towards military authoritarianism. Vanya Driscoll, political correspondent for The Alliance Tribune, commented on how everyone was being so diplomatic and not picking a side...whilst also casually not picking one themselves...
Sitting on the fence must be really uncomfortable.
FELICIA WINTERS ELECTED AS FEDERAL PRESIDENT - 16 October 3309
In a very tight and close fought race, Felicia Winters and the Liberal party have emerged victorious in the Federal elections. Happily skipping over the part where it was only a 4% lead, Felicia Winters has done what every politician does and claimed that everyone is overwhelmingly on their side. For the time being Zachary Hudson will remain at the helm until the transfer of power is complete, no doubt looking forward to the large number of talk shows and panel events he's going to make a mint off. Jerome Archer was gracious in conceding defeat, a rare trait largely unseen in todays politics, and the Alliance has been happy to offer their congratulations. The Empire has officially remained silent on the matter, an encouraging sign when we're trying to survive space baguettes of the apocalypse, but at least Aisling Duval was there to show there is a tiny glimmer of cooperation lurking in the dark shadows of the Empire.
WINTERS OUTLINES HER FUTURE PRESIDENCY - 19 October 3309
Now that the reins of power have been sufficiently grasped, Felicia Winters announced her new approach to Federal governance. First and foremost will be a move a way from a heavy focus on military might and corporate policy and a move towards plans that may actually benefit the people, such as healthcare, housing and new jobs. This of course has annoyed the pro-Republic press who had been benefitting from such a system for years. The latest editorial in the Sol Today newsfeed suggested that Felicia Winters will go down as the weakest president in history, followed up by an accidental link to a photo of the author on a bed of money using poor people as floatation device.
That's all for this week, remember to Ẇ̷̡̧̘̬̙͈̬͔̹͚̦̍̉̔́͒A̴̧̧͓͔̳̤͙͈̟̯̞͖͒́͌̒̐͋͆̈̀͛͘̚K̸̳̩̮̠̱̪̃̽E̴̡̢͍̣͈̥͉͗͜ ̸̳̞̗̠͈̗͇͚̱́̂͊̓́̿̈͐̍̀͒̎͘͘Ų̴͎͍̤̘̦̘̠̺͕̭̂̎̾̌͜P̴̼̺̣̤̤̈́̇͊̔͗̑͑̉̏̔ and join us next time as Ḑ̴̮̤̠̖͍͖̻̬̥͓̻͚̣̉͊̀̀̈́́̉̃̉͂͝͠͠Ǫ̵̢̖̲̠͚̝̦̙̼̋̉̈́̀̉̑͒̏͝N̸̨̡̙̯̫̞͔͚͙̳̲̐͆̏̓̀͂͊͝T̴̬̀̓͐̓̄̾́̈́͘ ̶̡̠̭̟̬̇͐̽̃̾̔͗̎͗Ĺ̷̪̱̩̥̗͚̖͑͒͗̋̆́̐͝E̷̡̢̨̧̗̗̝͓̬̣̹̓̈́̈̋̄͗͘T̸̟̬͍͇̅̈͒͆͊̓̇͒̋͘͘ ̶̡̢̮͚̼͙̪͙̰̠̺͎̂ͅT̶̗͇̳̣̗͗͋͋̈̆͊̋̓̄͒H̵̨̛̪̣̺̤̘̣̰͊̐̃͝Ȩ̶͕̝̟̦̦̖̘̲̜͇̬̰̑̈́̒̾̃̀͋̽͝ ̷̧̢̲̣̹͎̲̜̪̗̓C̵̨͉̹̖̪͍̯̙͓̤̘̺͐͝Ǒ̶̧̧̫̺͍͔͔͐́͂̄͋̀̀̒̚͘̕Ǹ̵̼̳̫̒̑̑̔̀̏̍̿̓̕T̸͉̬̠̪̣̤̥̣̽̅̊̍͊̈̿̀̌͂̆͜Ŗ̶̛̱͓̜̣̼͎̳̠͉̖͍͇͍̈͗̀́̈́̊͘͝͝Ö̵̧́̑̔̑̋̉́̽͛̓̾͘͝͝͝L̸͉̫͔̪͎̾̍̏͑ ̵̳͚̣̝͖̣̫̜̜͚̲̇̓́̉̓̈́͌̓̇̄ͅY̷͈̰̙̞̰̭̪̣̤͑͌́̃̾̄͐̾̎Ọ̵͐̆̀͊̅̕ͅŲ̶͈̲͓̭̇̓̄́͑͗̆͊͑̐͜ and go over more of the GalNet news!