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Greetings all!
The passage of time continues and somewhere in the vastness of space another star burns out of existence, forever preventing our eyes from gazing upon its magnificent form. As the existential dread of realising our own minuteness in the grand sprawling cosmos creeps in, lets take a moment to look back on the last two weeks of GalNet news!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU01092023.png"]365950[/ATTACH]
THE CASE AGAINST ‘CALICO ZACK’ - 22 August 3309
If you can't trust incredibly rich people with deep rooted narcissism and the ability to only think about themselves, then who can you trust? Financial journalist Bryanna Blanco has renewed her investigation into dodgy rich person, Zachary Rackham, in an attempt to insinuate that a man who only knows a couple of buzz words may not be the best person for Federal President. Her investigations date back 30 years to when one of the worst named pirates of all time, Calico Zack, plagued cargo ships throughout the less populated areas of the galaxy. Calico Zack was a slightly more benevolent pirate, opting more for theft than gruesome murder, but certainly a problematic threat none the less. Eventually earning the negative attention of Archon Delaine Calico Zack disappeared and (allegedly according to Blanco) became the "legit" businessman Zachary Rackham. Rackham's supporters have claimed this to be nonsense and even if it does all line up perfectly and make logical sense that the worlds most unimaginative person would choose basically the same name, that obviously these are all lies made up by the deep state in an attempt to stop everyone becoming billionaires.
DELIVERIES REQUESTED TO COMMEMORATE DUVAL FAMILY - 25 August 3309
Sing with me now!
"What can we say except, "You're welcome"
For the stars, the Empire, the sky!
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome
The mighty Duval's would not lie!"
Archduke Otto "OMG could this name be even longer" Lombardo-Duval has put out a call for pilots to deliver a variety of extravagant materials for the creation of a series of statues that show just how much better the Duval's are than you. Whilst the Emperor has signed off on this there are dark mummering's that the Archduke might be overinflating his sense of self a little bit.
RACKHAM REFUTES RUMOURS - 28 August 3309
Zachary "You can be a crook just like me!" Rackham has refuted claims that he was once the pirate lord known as Calico Zack, presumably whilst desperately trying to cover up his "I'm Calico Zack" back tattoo. He claims he is a totally legit businessman and that any claims to the contrary are all big mean nasty lies. He gave an ultimatum to Bryanno Blanco to stop making these accusations or face his legal team. She responded with a mischievous smile and flipped over her Wallglass Investigations trump card. It is rumoured that Rackhams high pitched scream of surprise was heard even aboard the nearest Titan. Will this investigation prove Rackham's innocence and help him steal the Federal crown, or has a life of piracy finally caught up with him?
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: AUGUST 3309 - 29 August 3309
The intergalactic war against the crusty baguettes of death continues. Despite territorial gains over the Thargoids it's now clear their war strategy has shifted from blasting humanity into chunky kibbles and moved onto shoving us all in a Tupperware box for later. What dark reasoning they could have for abducting people is still not clear but with the addition of the deadly new Scythe vessels it is clear it's an important new aspect of their war effort. An even more bizarre finding of a Thargoid and Guardian battle site with non-aggressive Thargoids is also raising lots of speculation.
HUMAN PRESENCE CAUSES THARGOID WITHDRAWAL - 31 August 3309
Just a short while after being discovered in a confusing non-kill all humans state, the Thargoids of Wregoe BU-Y b2-0 have upped and left. A very unusual move for the fidget spinners of destruction, being that usually when too many people are around they get all killy rather than run away. It's a baffling turn of events being that it is so out of character and a greatly annoying result for the scientists who were really looking forward to try and keep them as pets.
MATERIALS RECEIVED TO CONSTRUCT DUVAL STATUES - 1 September 3309
Pilots have been successful in gathering all the materials necessary to pile at the feet of their Duval overlords and to offer them thanks for being the sole reason they are able to go about their lives. Why if it weren't for the Duval's literally creating all existence how could anyone even live, was a paraphrased thought bubble from the Archduke. These statues will begin production right away and will be put in prominent places where the serfs can gaze up and bask in their masters magnificence.
AEGIS LEAK CONFIRMS VANISHING POPULATIONS - 1 September 3309
Audio recordings of Aegis talking about the Thargoid abductions have leaked to the general population. They show the sinister plot to...er...let people know what was going on. Yes, it looks like Aegis were getting geared up to reveal the horrifying reality of the Thargoids stealing people away, only to get blindsided by the Dedicant running headfirst into danger shouting "Weeeeeeee!". Usually leaks reveal the dark machinations of nasty corporations doing a villainous monologue, so it's kind of refreshing to have leaks of someone going "Oh heck, we should probably talk about this" instead.
That's it for this week. We'll be taking an annoyingly long break for a few weeks whilst this flesh puppet my parasite resides in takes some time off. TTFN!
The passage of time continues and somewhere in the vastness of space another star burns out of existence, forever preventing our eyes from gazing upon its magnificent form. As the existential dread of realising our own minuteness in the grand sprawling cosmos creeps in, lets take a moment to look back on the last two weeks of GalNet news!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU01092023.png"]365950[/ATTACH]
THE CASE AGAINST ‘CALICO ZACK’ - 22 August 3309
If you can't trust incredibly rich people with deep rooted narcissism and the ability to only think about themselves, then who can you trust? Financial journalist Bryanna Blanco has renewed her investigation into dodgy rich person, Zachary Rackham, in an attempt to insinuate that a man who only knows a couple of buzz words may not be the best person for Federal President. Her investigations date back 30 years to when one of the worst named pirates of all time, Calico Zack, plagued cargo ships throughout the less populated areas of the galaxy. Calico Zack was a slightly more benevolent pirate, opting more for theft than gruesome murder, but certainly a problematic threat none the less. Eventually earning the negative attention of Archon Delaine Calico Zack disappeared and (allegedly according to Blanco) became the "legit" businessman Zachary Rackham. Rackham's supporters have claimed this to be nonsense and even if it does all line up perfectly and make logical sense that the worlds most unimaginative person would choose basically the same name, that obviously these are all lies made up by the deep state in an attempt to stop everyone becoming billionaires.
DELIVERIES REQUESTED TO COMMEMORATE DUVAL FAMILY - 25 August 3309
Sing with me now!
"What can we say except, "You're welcome"
For the stars, the Empire, the sky!
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome
The mighty Duval's would not lie!"
Archduke Otto "OMG could this name be even longer" Lombardo-Duval has put out a call for pilots to deliver a variety of extravagant materials for the creation of a series of statues that show just how much better the Duval's are than you. Whilst the Emperor has signed off on this there are dark mummering's that the Archduke might be overinflating his sense of self a little bit.
RACKHAM REFUTES RUMOURS - 28 August 3309
Zachary "You can be a crook just like me!" Rackham has refuted claims that he was once the pirate lord known as Calico Zack, presumably whilst desperately trying to cover up his "I'm Calico Zack" back tattoo. He claims he is a totally legit businessman and that any claims to the contrary are all big mean nasty lies. He gave an ultimatum to Bryanno Blanco to stop making these accusations or face his legal team. She responded with a mischievous smile and flipped over her Wallglass Investigations trump card. It is rumoured that Rackhams high pitched scream of surprise was heard even aboard the nearest Titan. Will this investigation prove Rackham's innocence and help him steal the Federal crown, or has a life of piracy finally caught up with him?
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: AUGUST 3309 - 29 August 3309
The intergalactic war against the crusty baguettes of death continues. Despite territorial gains over the Thargoids it's now clear their war strategy has shifted from blasting humanity into chunky kibbles and moved onto shoving us all in a Tupperware box for later. What dark reasoning they could have for abducting people is still not clear but with the addition of the deadly new Scythe vessels it is clear it's an important new aspect of their war effort. An even more bizarre finding of a Thargoid and Guardian battle site with non-aggressive Thargoids is also raising lots of speculation.
HUMAN PRESENCE CAUSES THARGOID WITHDRAWAL - 31 August 3309
Just a short while after being discovered in a confusing non-kill all humans state, the Thargoids of Wregoe BU-Y b2-0 have upped and left. A very unusual move for the fidget spinners of destruction, being that usually when too many people are around they get all killy rather than run away. It's a baffling turn of events being that it is so out of character and a greatly annoying result for the scientists who were really looking forward to try and keep them as pets.
MATERIALS RECEIVED TO CONSTRUCT DUVAL STATUES - 1 September 3309
Pilots have been successful in gathering all the materials necessary to pile at the feet of their Duval overlords and to offer them thanks for being the sole reason they are able to go about their lives. Why if it weren't for the Duval's literally creating all existence how could anyone even live, was a paraphrased thought bubble from the Archduke. These statues will begin production right away and will be put in prominent places where the serfs can gaze up and bask in their masters magnificence.
AEGIS LEAK CONFIRMS VANISHING POPULATIONS - 1 September 3309
Audio recordings of Aegis talking about the Thargoid abductions have leaked to the general population. They show the sinister plot to...er...let people know what was going on. Yes, it looks like Aegis were getting geared up to reveal the horrifying reality of the Thargoids stealing people away, only to get blindsided by the Dedicant running headfirst into danger shouting "Weeeeeeee!". Usually leaks reveal the dark machinations of nasty corporations doing a villainous monologue, so it's kind of refreshing to have leaks of someone going "Oh heck, we should probably talk about this" instead.
That's it for this week. We'll be taking an annoyingly long break for a few weeks whilst this flesh puppet my parasite resides in takes some time off. TTFN!