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In the name of the Flowers, the Kobe, and the Holy Phreak
Dear Lord of the Rift, in your infinite map awareness and omnicient buying wisdom, we request from you assistance in these trying times of this 2022 MSI.
In order to spare the pilgrims of NA here on Reddit, in the lands of Discord, and the deep dark recesses of Twitch chat from another several months of smug fans of other regions, doomer fans of our region, and clickbaity ex-Pros of our region non-stop saying in our face that our region is worthless, we ask of you the following:
To the congregation, please think (or say) the italicized parts accordingly
May Impact take his Massive Mord Mace sized dong and show BrokenBlade examples of what World Champion Power is. Lord Dash of fabulous Hair, hear our prayer
May Inspired shine a lightbulb in Jankos' memory, and remind him exactly why a G2 jungler didn't recieve MVP last year in LEC. Lord Azael the World Champion, hear our prayer
May Jojo provide Caps with a shellacking so bad, that he actually sends him back to ADC next split. Lord Emily of On-Air F-Bombs, hear our prayer
May Vulcan send us more banger tweets during the middle of matches, after he finds out who this Tartar-Sauce guy is. Lord Raz of Twerks, hear our prayer
May the Coaches of EG whos names I cannot find in my two second google search, have their drafts style on G2 and ORD in ways never before seen. Lord LS of the Draft, he hath forsaken before his time, hear our prayer
I leave our congragation with the following passage from the Holy Book of Armaments, Chapter 2 verses 9 through 21
And Saint Danny raised his hands on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hands, that with them thou mayst blow thine enemies egos to tiny bits, in thy mercy.'
And the Lord did grin. And the Evil Geniuses did feast upon the Caps, and BrokenBlades, and BioPanthers, and Flakked, and Pumas, and Jankos, and ...(skipping a bit).
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou enter into the teamfight. Then shalt thou kill to five, no more, no less. Five shall be the number thou shalt kill, and the number of the killing shall be five. Six shalt thou not kill, neither kill thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to five. Seven is right out. Once the number five, being the fifth number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hands of Saint Danny towards thy foes Nexus, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
Finally, this prayer is hearby protected from any curses placed upon it, and let thy own fans malice be redirected towards their own favorite team instead. And should any heretic streamers read this prayer on live stream, they too are cursed
NAmen
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