[2019] How can i regain the ability to have fun by playing and not by winning?

Question is the title.
TLDR at bottom.

I have been playing League for over seven years now ( i started in season 2) and since i started actually tryharding and grinding in ranked(season 5) i somehow started losing the ability to have fun by playing.

Back in the days, before i grinded for ranked, i was silver and played myself to gold. That was all what i wanted to achieve. It was back then when we decayed in silverand could demote to bronze because of this(i think but decay was real). I played a lot more normals, it was a time when League and Minecraft were my fav. games. I met friends in minecraft and played LoL with them. But as the times changed, i lost these friends. At some point, i was all alone in the web. And so I started playing ranked.

It was a miracle, it was addicting it was fun. It felt good, i was a jungle main since season 3 but it felt like i was more. It felt like i had power. But young me could not really handle the power. I got to plat 5 in that season, followed by a permanent ban because of my attitude and another account to plat5. I was happy and sad. I reached my peak, but i lost something dear to me, and a lot of money (500€ for a 15 years is not small). But i said, i will flame less and continued in Season 6. Ah yes season 6 it had it's things. 2 months into the Season and i was permanently banned again. Immature me did learn nothing, but i couldnt resist it, getting flamed for every single mistake i did. I got that feeling of do everything right or do nothing in your life at all. So i started trying to become one of the best if not the best (PS im not). So i played and got to D flippin 5, i was nuts saying everyone how good i am. I was one of the top 2%. But i could not get higher, and in a game where i got placed toplane, that i hardinted because i can not play that role. toxicity got the best of me, and yea banned. I told all my friends and folks i played with " ah just doing another smurf you know wanna learn a new role and not lose too much mmr" yea sry for the lies. Season 7 started to get better. I matured rapidly and wasnt even quite as toxic anymore. Sure some chat restrictions but no ban, not even a tempban, i reached d5 and was satisfied with my overall performance, but all in all not good enough. I played a lot more normals that year, i met some new friends with whom im still befriended today. And i had finally another game again: WoW. WoW took a lot of time and that means less time in LoL less time being toxic. Fast forward Season 8 Ardents woo, yea nothing much happened here D4 was my peak. Liked the meta. Did not like the reworks.

And in summer, i got together with my gf. My whole life changed. She was the centre of my attention. We played Borderlands, Dead by Daylight, League, Stardewvalley, and many other games(at least others that her pc could handle). But some of these games became unplayable on her pc. And now league is everything we have whats actually fun for both of us. But these scars I have because of LoL are slowly showing. I get tilted way too often now a days. Tilttype Paladin btw, whenever someone does stupid things my mentallity goes from good to bad in a second, "they are trolling me on purpose" "turk transfers running it down on euw again" "first time a champ in ranked yey ffs" and thoughts like these. The problem is, they also occur in normals. Someone plays something offmeta i blame the loss on him. Someone has a bad game or a lane he cant win, what a damn troll. I wish my brain could let lose and see it is a normal. People are trying to have fun here, and dont necessarily win. It is just, that i personally get the most enjoyment out of a win.

My gf hasnt really played much league in the last 6 months. Which resulted in her performing worse now, but it is no big deal. She is allowed to play bad. Yet my winrate with her in normals is at 15% or so. I just want to win, i want to have fun. But i wish i could sepperate these 2 things. League is my hobby, and league is basically what defines me. A friend of mine defines himself through WoW.

All im saying is, i unlearned how to have fun. And i am desperately trying to learn it again. It feels like a broken relationship, the memories and the feeling is there, but it is not possible. If anyone of you have/had a similar situation or knows what i can do, except taking time off i will most likely continue to play ) i will gladly hear you word.

TLDR: Playing league is not enjoyable for me anymore, while winning is and i would like to change that.