How the F*!€ do you catch that mother-*#!€ing squid?

Minor spoilers about quests ahead.

So here's a story of insanity, depression and non-forgiveness.

One day little Munt came to the Liberator with an upgraded cake, hoping he will get another quest. Sadly, he noticed nothing, but the blackmarket passcode. He looked at the Chef's dialogue, nothing. He checked if he unlocked any clothes... Nothing. Munt thought to himself - wait what? I have to catch that squid now? He took the fishing rod that his friend gave it for an Ace, because it looked nice with his Icon that he got from killing me while I was disconnecting cause of the 10 second cooldown. He came into the boat with 711xp and 70% food/water. He bought an Indigo Berry that he wanted to farm, but realized that he needs to pay back his friend for that cake, so he gave the Indigo Berry to his friend. So he had 611 xp left.

Then he went to the deck of the ship (if the part where the fisher is is the deck), he swang his Upgraded Fishing Rod into the water almost perfectly and waited. He caught a Minnow. Then 3 more, and finally he caught a... Goldfish then 2 more. Then he caught 2 Trouts. He thought to himself - 4 Minnows, 3 Goldfish, 2 Trouts. What does that mean? By patternology, he knew - a Squid. He swang his Rod once again. Goldfish. He thought to himself - 'Well... Phuck'. He complained about that in the world chat, so everyone (1 friend and 1 random) would know. He kept throwing the bait. Then he got rid of his 2 empty Yuri Magazines and the Upgraded Cake Blueprint

Munt knew that he was going insane. He knew that his dad said GTF off the computer half a hour ago. He knew that he had to catch that dang Squid. He realized one thing - his 70% of food turned into 15%. His 611 xp turned into 1011 (there were a few Salmons). His hopes and dreams were crushed like that Orca that he exploded because of stupid parking (blades touched a wall). He knew that he has to stop. Because mom got up to get me and my brother off the computers. He turned off his sh*tty laptop that runs Unturned at 40fps, while people with Nvidia 1080x or whatever can't run it at 15 fps. And he got to his phone to tell the story to /r/Unturned.

So my question is - how the f*ck do I catch that squid? Do I need to be in a Deadzone, while doing a Horde Beacon, specifically at Full Moon while my friend is hovering a helicopter that I am in above the water? Do I need to do satanic rituals? Do I have to do it in a Water Tank? Do I need to catch 100 Goldfish and drop them into water with an Annushka full of Lockers that are full of Scrap Metal? Do I need to not waste all of my luck on free csgo gambling sites? How do I catch that dang bastard?

Edit: For those who wonder how many fish I had, 14 Goldfish, 13 Trouts, 11 Minnows, and a few Salmon. Maybe I was exhaggerating ;) (Tell me how to write that word please)