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Reddit's where you post sh*t that isn't posted anywhere else. I couldn't for the life of me find transcripts of the two religions religious texts, so I transcribed them myself. Enjoy.

Honkmotherian Scriptures: The Pillars of Fun (I-IX) [Usually it's divided into three books, each one containing three pillars]

I. The honk that can be told is not the eternal Honk. The honkmother that can be named is not the eternal Honkmother. The nameless is what sets the stage. The names is the play, the actors, the audience and the wall between them. Freed from seriousness, you can see the hidden mystery. Serious eyes only see what is visibly real.

II. We shape a balloon into an animal, but it is the emptiness inside that lets the balloon take its shape. We work with the substantial, but what is between the lines is what we use.

III. The highest Fun is not to seek to creat Fun, but to allow yourself to become it. The serious person seeks to do Fun things, and finds that they cannot do them continually. The serious person tries to squeeze all the Fun out of the lemons they've been given, only to find the juice is sour.

IV. When a Jester hears of the Grand Joke of the Universe, he lets it be his guide. When an average person hears of the Grand Joke of the Universe, he believes half of it, and doubts the other half. When a foolish person hears of the Grand Joke of the Universe, he laughs out loud at the very idea. If he didn't laugh, it would not be a joke, would it?

V. The best Jesters are those people hardly know exist. The next best is a Jester who is loved and praised. Next comes the one who is feared. The worst one is the Jester that is despised. When a great Jester has accomplished their task, the people say, "This was so much fun," oblivious of what's upstream of the Stream of Fun, much like they are oblivious to the Grandest of Jesters, the Uppest of Upstreams, the Blankest of Slates.

VI. As is the Blankest of Slates, so is the mind of the Jester. They see the mind of the people as their own mind. To those who are good they treat as good. To those who aren't good they also treat as good. They trust people who are trustworthy. They also trust people who aren't trustworthy. Thus they attain goodness and trust, lest the manure-minded serious people stop the stream of Fun

VII. If you do not fear death, how can it intimidate you? To truly understand this is to take a great stride along the Path of the Bike Horn. To unnaturally try to extend life is to fear death. To try and alter the life-breath is to fear death. The Jester understands that when something reaches its prime it will soon begin to decline. Changing the natural is to stray from the Path of the Bike Horn. Those who do it will not have Fun in the end.

VIII. With compassion, you will be able to be brave. With moderation, you will be able to bring Fun to the world. With humility, you will be able to guide others. To abandon compassion while seeking to be brave, or abandoning moderation while being amusing, or abandoning humility while seeking to guide will not lead to Fun.

IX. The kite rises high and the Jester lets it soar; the kite string pops and the Jester lets it fly away. He has but does not possess, acts but does not expect. When his work is done, he forgets it. That is why it lasts forever, much like the Grandest of Jesters. Praise the Honkmother!

Book of Chalices: On Becoming a Herald of the Tide

Man is a bridge stretched between the animal and the quintessential form---a bridge over the Abyss.

A dangerous crossing, a dangerous wayfaring, a dangerous looking-back,a dangerous trembling and halting.

What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not a goal: what is lovable in man is that he is an over-going and a down-going. Few are the ones who make it past the bridge, but truly are they of great virtue:

They know not how to live except as down-goers, for they are the over-goers.

They do not first seek a reason beyond the stars for going down and being sacrifices, but sacrificeth themselves to the world, that the world of the quintessential form may hereafter arrive.

They liveth in order to know, and seeketh to know in order that the quintessential form may hereafter live. Thus seeketh they their own down-going.

They laboureth and inventeth, that they may build the house for the quintessential form, and prepare for it the ocean, animal, plant and their very body: for thus seeketh they their own down-going.

They chasten their God, because they loveth their God: for they must succumb through the wrath of their God.

Their soul is deep even in the wounding, and may succumb through a small matter: thus goeth they willingly over the bridge.

They are an open spirit and an open heart: thus is their head only the bowels of their heart; their heart, however, causeth their down-going.

Lo, I am become a herald of the tide, and a strong stream amidst the water: the tide is the quintessential form.

Book of Chalices: The Three Metamorphoses

Three metamorphoses of the spirit do I designate to you: how the spirit becometh a chalice in the shape of a man's fortitude, the chalice emptieth of the stale wine, and the chalice refilleth with fresh wine.

Many things are there for the spirit to carry, the strong spirit in which the reverence dwelleth.

What is there to carry? so asketh the spirit, holding out its hands.

What is the heaviest thing? asketh the spirit, that I may take it upon me and rejoice in my strength.

Is it not this: To descend to the deepest depths to tempt the temper?

Or is it this: To feed on the fruit of knowledge, and for the sake of truth to suffer hunger of soul?

Or is it this: To go into foul water when it is the water of truth, and not disclaim the pests and parasites within it?

Or is it this: To love those who despise us, and to give one's hand to the phantom when it is going to frighten us?

All these heaviest things the spirit taketh upon itself: and as a chalice in the shape of a man's fortitude, it rejoiceth in its strength.

But then riseth a miasma from the chalice, for the man's fortitude carrieth burdens of old, now stale and foul.

Thus speaketh the miasma to the spirit, "Thou shalt!"

The ideas and values of thousands of years in the air reeketh. "All the values of things embalming me. All values have already been created, and all created values---do I represent. Verily, there shall be not 'I will' any more." Thus speaketh the miasma.

My brethren, wherefore is there need of emptying the chalice? Why sufficeth not the fortitude of man, which renounceth and is reverent? To create new values---that, a mere man cannot accomplish: but to create itself freedom for new creating---that can the fortitude of man do.

To create itself freedom, and give a holy Nay even unto duty and humanity: for that, my brethren, there is no need of the man. To assume the ride into new values---that is the most formidable assumption for a reverent spirit.

But tell me, my brethren, what is the value of an empty chalice? For is it not the wine that gives it purpose? Thus must we find a new wine, fresh and untainted, beyond the fortitude of man, yet within its grasp.

Aye, for the game of creating, my brethren, there is needed a holy Yea unto life, the fortitude of life itself. A fortitude readily within the grasp of those who dare to reach out, as if a Gift the world has handed us.

Thus comes the third and final metamorphosis, the Ascension: the man's spirit filled with new life, the fortitude of man and the fortitude of the world as one. Its own will, willeth now the spirit; his own world winneth the world's outcast. Thus is the quintessential form.

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