[2019] You know what, screw it. If this post gets (see thresholds in body) upvotes, I’ll (do the thing y’all upvoted to).

7 Upvotes: I will pet my cat.

77 Upvotes: I will un-pet my cat.

777 Upvotes: I will release never-before-seen footage of a drunken Cabal pilot Fallen pilot crashing a Thresher Ketch into the ground.

7777 Upvotes: I will 1v1 u/dmg04. Loser deletes their Reddit account.

77777 Upvotes: I will drive over 2000 miles to Bungie HQ, and make every employee there the best damn PB & J they’ve ever had.

777777 Upvotes: I will quit my job, spend every waking hour for the foreseeable future learning coding languages and game development, create the greatest game ever made, and use my creation to 1v1 u/thislukesmith. Winner gets Nathan Fillion.

Edit 1: Cat petting achieved. He was mildly amused.

Edit 1.5: I might have underestimated the degree to which I would need to monitor this post. Currently unavailable to provide evidence of the action of the 77th upvote, as I am not at home. Distress not, as I am a man of my word. Should be up within a few hours.

Edit 2: Watch as I bewilder the laws of physics by removing pets from my cat! (I never promised this would be good)

Edit 3: As my memory is apparently terrible (thanks, THC!) and it was, in fact, a Fallen pilot, I have edited my original post. Here’s the footage.