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Greetings all!
Another week has ceased to be. Do not mourn its passing, for though its existence was fleeting it was happy to make way for the week that comes along. Hopefully the new week is as gentle and...oh wait, no. It's already kicked a puppy. Anyway, enough contemplation on the anthropomorphic characteristics of time measurement. Let's get on with the news! We'll be covering the last two weeks this time so get comfy!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU30062023.png"]360132[/ATTACH]
AEGIS RECEIVES TITAN MATERIALS FOR XENO-RESEARCH - 22 June 3309
The epic battle for relevance concluded last week with Aegis emerging supreme over Azimuth "Please still look at us" Biotech. Both companies were on a race to encourage pilots to risk life, limb and sanity by heading into the swirling clouds of certain doom and lightly annoying the giant pastries within for tissue samples. What each group intends to do with the samples remains to be seen but it's already clear that Aegis has won the popularity contest, being declared Prom Queen whilst Azimuth slinks outside to plot their revenge by writing mean reviews on Yelp. Whilst Azimuth might have lost out in terms of numbers they did still receive a fair amount of samples, so they are still in the running for the Mad Scientists of the Year 3309 award.
AN AUDIENCE WITH THE PRECEPTOR - 23 June 3309
The Far God Cult reached out to famous test subject and unwilling prophet Seo Jin-ae claiming to be able to shed some light on the Dedicant and its sudden disappearance. After listening to them harper on about the their prophecies, hopes that the Far God will cleanse the universe and requests for Seo Jin-ae to appear on their latest podcast she was finally given some information. Sadly that information was that they know absolutely nothing about what happened to the Dedicant and that Seo could have gotten a more productive day out of seeing how many times she can order a cheese free, wheat free, tomato free Margherita pizza before the cafeteria blocks her number. What small amount of information she did learn is that the inside of Far God megaships are designed to be extra weird and alien, so the cultists can really get into their larping. The ships have bizarre corridors and secret passages to confuse outsiders and to help people give excuses for being lost when they arrive late for work.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES HOLD LIVE DEBATE - 26 June 3309
The hopeful contenders for taking on the reins of the Federation presidency all gathered together this week for a serious and helpful debate. Of course, it was a political debate so any sense of decorum, professionalism or basic self respect went out of the airlock almost immediately. Most of this seemed to stem from independent trillionaire candidate Zachary Rackham attempting to unleash various 'gotcha' zingers. Such highlights include: "Ha ha, you lost a ship" and "Taxation is so unfair to the insanely rich". The other candidates used their time to calmly counter his comments in a...no of course they didn't, they just went straight to the "You're a idiot/criminal" comments. It's almost refreshing to see that political debate remains as childish in far future as it is now.
MINING INITIATIVE BEGINS IN KOKOLLER - 29 June 3309
Whilst obscure vessels from outside our space encroach upon humanity with malicious intent, the good people at Kokoller have decided now is the time to get some mining done! Happily stating that nothing is more patriotic in a war against the unknown than increasing the company profit margins, Kokoller have called for Independent Pilots to help send them bertrandite, coltan and praseodymium to Utley Hub in the Kokoller system. They'll be offering a nice monetary reward and all proceeds will go to making sure the company is rich again.
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: JUNE 3309 - 30 June 3309
We're into month 8 of the angry moldy salad bowls attempt to purge humanity from the bubble. There's been some big developments including a way to actually sneak into the maelstroms and spy on the Titans, something they have referred to as "A bit creepy" when people keep floating right next to their windows. We've also seen humanity start to push back and reclaim many of the worlds the screeching digestive biscuits had conquered, giving us that most dangerous of sensations...hope. Aegis and Azimuth have also had a real winner of a month, having gained huge buckets of Titan data for their anti-xeno research. Aegis may have been the fan favourite in terms of data given but Azimuth has still benefitted strongly from people really wanting to paint their ships green. The war continues to rage on and what new horrors may unfold are uncertain. Could things be getting better or does some dark plot twist lurk on the horizon?
That's all for this week. Join us next time as we hurtle ever closer to the inevitable end times.
Another week has ceased to be. Do not mourn its passing, for though its existence was fleeting it was happy to make way for the week that comes along. Hopefully the new week is as gentle and...oh wait, no. It's already kicked a puppy. Anyway, enough contemplation on the anthropomorphic characteristics of time measurement. Let's get on with the news! We'll be covering the last two weeks this time so get comfy!
[ATTACH type="full" alt="GNRU30062023.png"]360132[/ATTACH]
AEGIS RECEIVES TITAN MATERIALS FOR XENO-RESEARCH - 22 June 3309
The epic battle for relevance concluded last week with Aegis emerging supreme over Azimuth "Please still look at us" Biotech. Both companies were on a race to encourage pilots to risk life, limb and sanity by heading into the swirling clouds of certain doom and lightly annoying the giant pastries within for tissue samples. What each group intends to do with the samples remains to be seen but it's already clear that Aegis has won the popularity contest, being declared Prom Queen whilst Azimuth slinks outside to plot their revenge by writing mean reviews on Yelp. Whilst Azimuth might have lost out in terms of numbers they did still receive a fair amount of samples, so they are still in the running for the Mad Scientists of the Year 3309 award.
AN AUDIENCE WITH THE PRECEPTOR - 23 June 3309
The Far God Cult reached out to famous test subject and unwilling prophet Seo Jin-ae claiming to be able to shed some light on the Dedicant and its sudden disappearance. After listening to them harper on about the their prophecies, hopes that the Far God will cleanse the universe and requests for Seo Jin-ae to appear on their latest podcast she was finally given some information. Sadly that information was that they know absolutely nothing about what happened to the Dedicant and that Seo could have gotten a more productive day out of seeing how many times she can order a cheese free, wheat free, tomato free Margherita pizza before the cafeteria blocks her number. What small amount of information she did learn is that the inside of Far God megaships are designed to be extra weird and alien, so the cultists can really get into their larping. The ships have bizarre corridors and secret passages to confuse outsiders and to help people give excuses for being lost when they arrive late for work.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES HOLD LIVE DEBATE - 26 June 3309
The hopeful contenders for taking on the reins of the Federation presidency all gathered together this week for a serious and helpful debate. Of course, it was a political debate so any sense of decorum, professionalism or basic self respect went out of the airlock almost immediately. Most of this seemed to stem from independent trillionaire candidate Zachary Rackham attempting to unleash various 'gotcha' zingers. Such highlights include: "Ha ha, you lost a ship" and "Taxation is so unfair to the insanely rich". The other candidates used their time to calmly counter his comments in a...no of course they didn't, they just went straight to the "You're a idiot/criminal" comments. It's almost refreshing to see that political debate remains as childish in far future as it is now.
MINING INITIATIVE BEGINS IN KOKOLLER - 29 June 3309
Whilst obscure vessels from outside our space encroach upon humanity with malicious intent, the good people at Kokoller have decided now is the time to get some mining done! Happily stating that nothing is more patriotic in a war against the unknown than increasing the company profit margins, Kokoller have called for Independent Pilots to help send them bertrandite, coltan and praseodymium to Utley Hub in the Kokoller system. They'll be offering a nice monetary reward and all proceeds will go to making sure the company is rich again.
THARGOID WAR UPDATE: JUNE 3309 - 30 June 3309
We're into month 8 of the angry moldy salad bowls attempt to purge humanity from the bubble. There's been some big developments including a way to actually sneak into the maelstroms and spy on the Titans, something they have referred to as "A bit creepy" when people keep floating right next to their windows. We've also seen humanity start to push back and reclaim many of the worlds the screeching digestive biscuits had conquered, giving us that most dangerous of sensations...hope. Aegis and Azimuth have also had a real winner of a month, having gained huge buckets of Titan data for their anti-xeno research. Aegis may have been the fan favourite in terms of data given but Azimuth has still benefitted strongly from people really wanting to paint their ships green. The war continues to rage on and what new horrors may unfold are uncertain. Could things be getting better or does some dark plot twist lurk on the horizon?
That's all for this week. Join us next time as we hurtle ever closer to the inevitable end times.