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I’ve been grinding Guardians of the Rift lately, trying to maximize my points. All the guides out there are like,
“Just get 8–10 points per game, ez.”
Meanwhile, I’m out here averaging 4 like a caveman chiseling runes with a butter knife.
So I think, “Okay, maybe if I unlock death runes, I can boost my contribution score and finally hit those guide-tier points.”
I grind my way to 65 Runecrafting like a good little skiller. I walk up to the death altar portal, ready to claim my reward.
“You must complete Mourning’s End Part II to enter.”
And thus began the Prerequisite Paradox — a descent so deep I forgot what my original goal even was.
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Cool, Mourning’s End Part II. Let’s do it. Wait, it needs Mourning’s End Part I. Which needs Roving Elves. Which needs Regicide. Which needs Underground Pass. Which needs Biohazard. Which needs Plague City.
Suddenly I’m running plague samples around Ardougne like I’m Gielinor’s least-qualified health inspector.
Oh, and somewhere in the mix, I had to do Big Chompy Bird Hunting, so I’m baiting toads with ogre bellows like a deranged swamp zoologist.
And yes — I had somehow never done Sheep Shearer. So here I am, a death rune-chasing, GOTR-sweating gamer… helping Fred the Farmer collect wool. Peak efficiency.
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Then I find out 75 Agility is recommended for Mourning’s End Part II because of the wall trap spam. And being the “efficient gamer” I am, I decide to level up agility the smart way.
So I unlock Hallowed Sepulchre. But wait — that’s locked behind Sins of the Father. And I have zero PvM experience. But I do it. I suffer. I die. I scream. I beat one of the hardest bosses in the game just to unlock the Sepulchre so I could grind 3 agility levels in maximum XP/hr fashion.
All that… just to prepare for the recommended stats to start Mourning’s End Part II.
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Now, a few days and a full personality transformation later, I’ve finally started Mourning’s End Part I.
I’m just sitting here in disbelief at how far off-track I got from my original goal of unlocking death runes. Honestly, though, it’s kind of incredible how Jagex has crafted this game into a beautiful labyrinth of quests, stats, and unlocks where you can lose literal days chasing something you barely remember starting.
Anyway, wish me luck. I’ll probably be sidetracked another 100 in-game hours before I even touch that damn altar.
Cheers, adventurers.
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