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Currently Known Issues

• Given the release date, nobody will believe these are real.

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• Doubled the number of biceps for Conan in the intro scene and the ingame model for peak performance.

• Fixed a loophole that would allow Joel to gush about Conan’s lore for hours every time anyone asked about anything.

NEW AVATAR: DUNGAM

“Suffer no guilt ye who wields this in the name of Crom”

Powering up and on the scene: The Automaton Avatar, DUNGAM! In our continuing mission to create the most authentic Hyborian experience possible, Exiles from all corners of the lands may now summon this fearsome machination of war to obliterate their foes.

Cast in cold starmetal and powered by the wailing souls of the fallen, Dungam features rapid-burst jumpjets allowing for limited flight and boosting capability, as well as high-intensity thermal lances and a suite of close-combat flechette launchers for maximum effectiveness in all theaters of combat.

It’s showtime, Exiles - suit up and roll out.

• Added other new pieces of content for that guy with 6,000 logged hours that complained there is no content in the game.

• The doors will now allow to break on through to the other side at the end of the night.

• Added new QTE events to the crafting system. Item quality is tied to the final score and failure means loss of all materials and leaderboard position.

• Dennis has been trained in more martial arts being one step closer to becoming The One.
• You can now load rocks into the Funcom Launcher for impromptu catapult battles.

• Followers can now pathfind correctly in a straight line. Most of the time.
• Followers can now wear Denver Broncos caps in honor of Scott. Kappas included.
• Added new and elusive thrall called Storm. It can be found, based on RNG, hiding in bushes or dark corners of the Exiled Lands and Isle of Siptah.
  • Storm is a T4 Taskmaster that will make your thralls more efficient and focused, but in exchange will have terrible webcam and audio quality during Wheel of Pain meetings.
• Followers can now leave your base to collect resources and do other chores for you, with a 95% chance for them to never return. With that treatment, what did you expect?
• Thralls have now a 5% chance to scream “Harder” when bonked with a truncheon. Kappas included.
• Big bats have been added as flying mounts so you can terrorize your neighbors at night. To balance this, you now walk very, veeeeery slowly.

• The Purge system has been renamed to Gaslighting and its bar will now stay at 100% for weeks at a time not letting you know when it will strike. But it will.
• Reworked the wave distribution to include a hotdog and beverages seller every two waves as our next revenue model.

• Removed all skill from Player versus Player engagements and all fun from Player versus Environment modes following player feedback.
• Player versus Environment Conflict modes will remain unaltered but their enjoyment factor is intrinsically upgraded by watching the rest of modes duke it out in comment wars.
• Increased Andy’s beard size by 5%.
• Increased corporate attempts at being funny once a year (from too many, to +1).
• Added 1 second to the 3.0 announcement timer for each incorrect guess or person asking about it. Current ETA: March 2116.

• You can now watch pictures of Nicole’s cats to remove corruption from your character.

• You can now dye your weapons with NFT designs as long as your provider isn’t hacked this week.
• Made all horses electric to help with the current prices.
• Added a button to send all the love, hugs, and warm cups of coffee to our support staff, without whom Conan Exiles, and Funcom, wouldn’t be the same today.
• Added a button to send even more love, bigger hugs and warmer cups of coffee to our forum moderators as a thank you for all the help they provide on a daily basis.

• Made mountains higher, valleys lower and rivers wider to make so you don’t have to call that person that’d be there in a hurry.

• You can now dab to Praise Ymir.

• The #spellchekker team has not gone through barbaric torture this time and they’ve fixed a bunch of grammer and typos in you’re game.
• Changed fonts to Comic Sans to truly capture the epic scale and grandeur.
• Added Ignasi mode to the UI: this changes every line to a pun or dad joke.

• Added new announcer that will scream “Nice Shot!” every time the player snipes an enemy from afar or smacks a rhino into the stratosphere.
  • If playing with full nudity on, the line will change to something more suitable.
• You asked, we listened: Topped the thrall moan and groan spam from a previous update by adding new flatulence sound effects for thralls that will play at random when guarding a spot or executing a heavy attack.
  • Big animals will also benefit from this upgrade, but a corruption debuff will be applied to the player if they happen to be in the same room or general vicinity.
• Added option to make the intro cinematic louder so your neighbors can join in on the fun.
• To honor the roots of this game, we’ve added two Norwegian culture landmarks to the game’s sountrack: Take on Me and Barbie Girl.

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Bit of thread necro here, but here’s the event link:

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